a painful day. stress in sport, study and even love~~

i thought cheerleading is a very fun sport. but behind the sport, there's full of pain. physical and mental stress. physical is always feel that i was a loser. i cant do this stunt do that stunt, why?? training not hard enough?? i have try all my best. i really given all my best to do it. but sometime i really not manage to do it. i guess i not enuogh expirence, i will learn more and train more. i swear i will.

about mental. this really give me alot problem. SPM is coming. i have to focus on study and also cheerleading. SPM and competition, also around the corner. evrytime i cant do something, i also will let people scold. no matter in study or cheers. both also so much pressure. in study, i have to face my mum's word everyday everynight, about cheers, what i dream, is a very long way. sometimes the way i talk, doesn't mean the way i do.

"now competition important or ur study important??"
"competition around already, what u still want???"
this is the two question i always been asked by people. how i going to answer it??? i have try my best. i do very serious. i really thought it was in morning. haiz~~~

in relation, it's also slowly become a pressure to me. sometime i feel like, how's the feel when being single?? how free am i?? but then i also will think what's the feel being alone?? how lonely am i?? which side i shall choose?? i really don't want everyday also hear ur cry. ur cry mean ur sadness can bring pressure to me. the closer we are, the less freedom i have. i do hope u will never step into my very own small space. eveyone have their own space, where they keep their own secret. but recently u have step into this place, searching my secret, which make me feel u annoying.

love is a kite, sometime we have to pull, sometime we have to release. example when flying a kite, in the begining we have to run, have to take action, pull the kite as fast as posible, until it's fly up to the sky. while in the sky, we will pull the kite, too hard it will drop onto the ground, and lead to a new begining, release too far, the string will snap and the kite will fly away and forever gone.
just like in the begining, i pull ur heart as hard as posible until i sucess to grad it and hold it for long. when u choose to stay close to me, i just like the kite, will drop on ground and start a new life. but if u let me go too far, our relation will snap and forever gone. love is a very hard game. only the strongest will win the game. i hope i was strong enough to stay until the end of the game.

haiz~i believe that, soon i will give up everything. i really cant stand the pressure anymore. is it someone out there can help me??? anyone???

boring day.

today i go to school. just go in class then my fren say yesterday our class let people break in and make until very messy. we found a pack of rokok in our class and alot of lousy picture about reproduction. they write "only one sperm can in to nucles." not ovum meh?? lol~~

ms.tan so angry untill she call pn.fazilah come up and check about this case. after that nothing happen dy. today sivik teacher dint teach, she call us to play permainan tradisional. so i play with my fren for 2 period. time pass so fast when playing. after that, i go take bus with 2 fren. tat's all about today's life.

i saw u today when recess, but i dint look at u and i dont know what to say to u cause i was still angry to u and u never make me forgive u.

1st squad meeting is go CC????

today is my 1st time go squad meeting. nothing to do. go to have fun. but, it doesnt go well as i thought. no people come. SOMEONE say is 8am, so i reach on time, but THAT PEOPLE can late for 1 hour. that time feel like let people fly aeroplane, kinda angry.

But then nevermind lor. then stay at school chat at while, then all go out makan. left only 4 of us, then go play basketball a while. after that i decide to go find them. i thought THAT PEOPLE will follow, but THAT PEOPLE just follow other 2 go mid valley. so i'm alone for that while. really make me fucking piss off.

Most dulan is when let people play, cause we come out late. wanna follow back the whole gang, but i only saw 2 fellow walking. they going to mamak, i ask them where are the whole gang, that fucker say at KFC, which around 200m from our school. so i believe him and walk to there.

When reach, fuck!!! no people at there. so i walk back, and head to nearby our school de mamak. saw whole gang coming out. and that fucker was with the gang. he know but he tell me a very childish and stupid answer. sohai!!!!!

later all go cc to pass our time. play dota with yu rong. let AI 1st blood pula. too long dint play already. i think around more than half year. sommore dint update version, dont know how to buy item. lol. then all play CS. kinda fun. then go home.

WHAT A FUCKING BULLSHIT DAY!!!!!